Lately I have been especially struck by goodness, hope and love. I have just been learning how lucky I am to have the friends that I have. I am challenged to be a better person- and I LEARN so much from their wisdom, opinions, thoughts, hopes and dreams. I feel like I have been lucky enough to witness miracles and to see what love looks like. Even more than this, I have been so fortunate to be able to join my friends on their journey’s and to have a communal journey as well. It really has been a beautiful process.
Also, I had a realization a few weeks ago that I am the MASTER of holding grudges. It’s really hard to let go of things that people have done that have hurt me- even little things that I should have moved past by now. I was thinking that we hold grudges because the wrongs we experience by those around us can in many ways define us. If someone has hurt me, then that says that I am not valuable enough to be protected, if someone has bailed on me, that says that I’m not worth being loyal to…you get the gist. Now, I completely understand why things that have hurt us have such a lasting impact- these acts define us and it’s hard to let go of that. But what I have come to realize is that when we choose to hold a grudge or to not forgive (even the small things) we fool ourselves into thinking that we have a “right” to remain angry, upset or hurt. But in reality- what defines us, is the way in which we REACT to these times that we have been hurt. While all this time, I felt like those who were wronged were defined by their hurt, in fact- they are defined by the way that they react to their pain. There is always going to be conflict in life- its natural and inevitable- and it’s also pretty probable that we will be hurt by our friends and families from time to time- we don’t really have a choice in that. So, we need to take claim in the areas of our lives that WE DO have choice. I want to make choices to love and forgive that are unassociated with how people treat me. I want to live graciously, because I have received so much grace.
Letting go of grudges is so easy to say and still so hard to do- but definitely something to work towards.