In a short (long?) seven months, I am going to marry my best friend. We’ve been engaged a month and a half and I’m still pleasantly surprised every time I remember that it’s real. Yesterday, after a particularly harrowing day, involving two sick souls–including one especially sick matt, a long wait at the walk-in clinic, sneezes, coughs, sighs and all around germ-iness, matt said to me (probably slightly drug induced) “remember when we got engaged” — and of course I said yes.
“that was great” he said.
And it was. It really was an amazing night. I am trying to be mindful of each moment as an engaged couple. Mostly because I know these next seven months will be like none other that follow. In fact, things have already begun to change. When Matt first proposed with this beautiful, shinny, ring — it felt like a complete foreign object on my finger. Every time I looked at it I literally though “oh my gosh”. Now, that my ring has been sized and I have gotten used to wearing it, I often have mini panic attacks when I think I’ve lost it because I can’t feel it on my finger. Then, I realize that I’m crazy and I’ve just grown used to it. As much as an engagement ring can be a frivolous luxury, it can also be drenched with meaning and symbolism. For instance, I noticed today that there are some small scratches on it, nothing that couldn’t be polished off, but scratches nonetheless. I love the idea that I am going to wear this ring forever, and it’s going to get scratched and worn. I hope when I’m 80 years old I can tell my grandkids the story of how it was given to me. Already, this ring represents a part of me, and in a strange way, a part of who I’ve always been. But on the other hand, every time I look at it, I can’t help but think of our future- of what’s to come, of it’s shininess and promise of what’s ahead. I wonder if years from now this ring will always remind me of this time, our time dating and our engagement? Or maybe it’s meaning will change and grow? I assume the latter will be true.
I don’t want to have the expectation that our wedding day will be the best day of our lives– because isn’t that a little sad? To think that after our wedding it’s all down hill? I think the perspective that I’ll choose to take is that maybe our wedding will be the beginning of the most blessed, joyful, most loving time of our lives-the beginning of being paired, supported, encouraged and able to take great risks because we know we’ve got each other’s backs. Our wedding day will be so important because it will be the beginning of a powerful partnership, based on a promise made that day.
Until then I am going to do my best to soak up every minute and to create a lot more “remember when…” moments.