confesh.

20070425034652semi-sweet_chocolate_chips
Now, generally, Amanda is my go-to for a good confession time. Mostly because she never judges and always gives good advice. However, I think this little story is ok for internet land.
The other week Matt and I made chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. We melted a whole bag of chocolate chips and then dipped a lot of strawberries. There was left over chocolate so being the cheap-ass/chocoholic that I am, I scraped the remaining chocolate into a container and put it in the fridge. The for the past week I’ve eaten a bit here and there- and Matt has too.
So, then this weekend, I was reading and Matt was watching tv and he finished the last of the chocolate and put the dish in the sink.
Here’s the confession:
I was so mad. Maybe raging mad.
Here’s how it went down-
c:you ate the last of the chocolate?
m:ya.
c: well, did you wash the dish?
m: no, I’ll do it later
c:well….well…did you ASK if you could finish the chocolate? Isn’t that RUDE to finish someone’s chocolate and not ask them?!?! (I actually said this…)
m: you’re crazy!
c: were you born in a barn?!?! (sigh, i actually said this too)
m: cait, it’s chocolate. it’s not a big deal.

Blah blah. You get the picture. Don’t forget that Matt is actually going to LIVE here in six months so I am probably going to need to let up on the crazy possessiveness of my chocolate…and “my” stuff in general.

This is really my confession: I’m a terrible sharer. And here is the worst part: the closer someone is to me, the more brutally I can treat them. For example, I would NEVER get mad at a guest in my house if they finished something, especially something as neurotic as MELTED CHOCOLATE chips. This got me thinking about how I ( (we?) treat people in general. It seems to me that those we love the most, those we would lay down our lives for often get our worst. I know the whole thing about how true love isn’t blind blah blah it sees everything and loves anyways and while I am sure that this is true, my little incident with the damn chocolate really opened my eyes that we take our loved ones for granted so easily. I think I need to train myself to think “would I say/think /act this way to a stranger?” I think 99 times out of a 100 the answer would be no. Selfish nature is what causes this problem and a little mindfulness is all thats needed to fix it. I imagine families take the brunt of this- how many times have we treated our family in ways that we would never treat our worst enemies? This is perhaps especially true for Christians who claim to be filled with this divine and infinite love– and yet we seemingly have so little love to give to our nearest and dearest?! Like I said above, a lot of it is that we take people for granted, but also probably because we don’t need to wear any masks around our inner circle. We can come as we are- but wouldn’t it be so much better if we could be come as we are while being the best versions of ourselves?
I know that Matt for one, did not deserve to be hassled about the silly chocolate…although when I was washing the container it was in just before I wrote this, I felt a tiny convicting bit of validation. Ya right, you’ll wash it later!

This week I am really going to try to give the people that I love the most my best. I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps most of all I am going to work on being a better sharer. EVEN if Matt always takes more than half…or eats all of his treats fast so that he can ask for some of mine! Oye vay see how brutal I am?! Gah. I literally would take a bullet for him yet I have a hard time sharing the remote/a coke/and especially chocolate.

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2 thoughts on “confesh.

  1. I enjoyed reading this, I really liked reading our dialogue again with your commentary on the rationality of what you said to me during chocogate! I am sorry I am not a better sharer too!

    Love you

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