Ah- ha!

I had a really great brunch this past Sunday with a couple of friends from church and this, coupled with another “ah-ha!” moment from Friday,  has opened up my eyes a lot.

This might seem like a no-brainer to you, but  for me it was something that I guess I really just needed to figure out. So, here goes.

Two things.

One:  I wrote previously about being “burnt out” and exhausted by the sheer busyness of my schedule. And it was true. I was, and still have moments of question WHY I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PLAY ON THREE ULTIMATE TEAMS (I know, try not to judge…) when I work full time and need a least a LITTLE bit of time to make silly wedding crafts like fabric banners (again, with the judging….)

Point is, I’m very busy. And I complained about it here on my blog. And then I felt a bit better. BUT…then I had my “ah ha!” moment. It was actually a friend who parted her wisdom on me– not with any words, or through a conversation, or her opinion, or anything like that. I “ah-ha-ed!” just by watching and knowing her.

cait to self: wait a minute, she’s busy ALL the time too…just like me…but HOLD THE PHONE….

She’s busy all the time because she’s choosing to help others. To do good. To do things for completely unselfish reasons.

Ah ha.

Therein lied my problem- I was busy and feeling incredibly sorry for myself–yet not only was this COMPLETELY my own doing and choice, my busyness was 99% of the time caused by selfish endeavours.

Ugh. Don’t you just hate that!?  Learning about yourself and your choices can sometimes really suck when you have to take a good long look in the mirror and see that things need to change.

Things need to change.

This summer is a write off. I’ve committed to too many selfish (and often completely UNSATISFYING- we’ll save that for another post) commitments and in the meantime have been to caught up to do ANY GOOD for anyone but me.

But now I know. And knowing is power. And you better believe that I am going to scale WAY down come September. I am going to make sure that the majority of my obligations and commitments benefit others . I am going to give more of my time away-and yes, I will probably still be busy, but at least it will be for something bigger than myself.

That leads me to point 2:

I said above that the fog lifted in my mind about my “busyness” by knowing another friend. A very selfless friend who is probably too busy doing too much for other people. No one’s perfect, right?

Well the same thing happened to me at brunch. I was fortunate enough to learn and to see some areas that I need to change simply from being with other people. This is why, despite it’s own shortcomings, my faith community is so inspiring. I am able to learn from looking and listening. Without judgement, over french toast and fruit, my friends unknowingly helped me to see the world a little bit clearer.

I might even add that one or both of them had a similar experience.

In community we make each other better. Sometimes without knowing it  and without encouraging words or advice. Just be living, by being our real, true, flawed selves we can help pull our friends into their future. And we can be pulled into ours.

Gah.

It’s good, eh?

Life is good. And complex. And even though I’m a little slow…I’m getting to the proverbial “there”….where ever that is.

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One thought on “Ah- ha!

  1. I love you honesty and vulnerability. I love how you are always trying to be a better person. I love that you see so much good in others.

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