throwing in the towel

Disappointing news. I was supposed to do my very first triathlon tomorrow–but now I am not. I was running yesterday and twisted around to shove my ipod back into my fuel belt and on my way I went. But later when I got home my back felt like I’d taken a baseball bat to it. It hurts to walk and hurts to touch.

I took some advil yesterday and thought everything would be ok, but it’s not feeling any better. So, I am throwing in the towel and I am not going to race (well, I am going, but only to cheer).

I am disappointed for a number of reasons. I feel like I am letting down the women I have been training with–which feels awful. I am especially disappointed because I really am undertrained too. If you’ve been around me in the last few days you know that I’ve felt under-prepared. This alone wouldn’t be enough for me not to do the race. Although it sure looks like it could be enough to bail.

I’m afraid that if I raced I would hurt my back even more. I am afraid that I look like I quitter. I am afraid that I care far too much what other people think. I am afraid that I am letting people down. I am afraid that I failed.

But despite all of this I know that I am making the best decision for me and at the end of the day, in this particular situation-it’s all that matters.  All of the rest will fall into place (my spine included).

photo via