I had quite a “conversation” on facebook on Monday. I wrote on my “status” that I was (sadly) watching the bachelor finale. It was the first episode that I’ve watched in years mostly because the concept of the show is %^$%#ing appalling. But, alas, it was a free Monday night, Matt wasn’t home and I found myself watching. I think a few other people felt the same way that I did…disbelief at being sucked into such a terrible, life-sucking television show.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what I let myself consume- not physically, although that’s important too, but more what I’m seeing and hearing and giving my time to. I read somewhere recently that we should only say words that build up, not break down. Words that grow souls, not shrink them. It’s an easy concept in theory, but incredibly difficult in practice. The past little while I’ve found myself muttering that phrase when I feel my frustration rising…only words that heal, only words that love, only words that build. I don’t want to shoot my mouth off and regret a second later. Which, sadly, happens sometimes when I feel especially deserving, vindicated or “right” — all of which is wrong.
So, yes, I’ve been trying to watch the words I say.
But I bring up the Bachelor, because it’s a good example of something else I’ve been working on…consuming things that are good. Reading things that are beautiful, or truthful (because sometimes the truth is ugly). I should have turned off the Bachelor because if I think it’s wrong, I probably shouldn’t partake. Please don’t think I am judging, because, helllllo, I was watching it and I didn’t turn it off. Quite frankly, I got teary eyed at the ridiculous proposal and had a moment where I thought that maybe they’d both live happily-ever-after. I got caught up in the lie.
I’ve been changing the radio station when particularly sexist songs are played lately too. And taking blogs off my reader that really do nothing but make me feel inferior. I’m opted OUT of a body fat test today at the gym I have a short membership at because, really, I don’t care. A lot of shit happens in the world…ugly stuff. But when I can have the change, I want to control what I take into my life, so that what I “pour out” can be also good things. If I am concerned with only saying words that build souls, then I probably need to make sure that I’m protecting my own (when I can).
My money and time are the two best indicators of where my allegiance lies. I don’t want to pay homage to the Bachelor. I don’t want to support musicians who make music about taking advantage of women. I don’t want to spend time with people who complain all day…because then, chances are, I’m going to become a huge complainer too. I haven’t gotten this all figured out and unfortunately, I say hurtful things and support hurtful practices far more than I’d like to admit. But I don’t want to be like that. I really want to be the opposite.