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The future is not a place to which we are going, it is a place we are creating. The paths to the future are not found, but made, and the activity of them changes both the maker and the destination

~Martha Cleary

on beauty

Sometimes the idea of beauty (personal beauty, particularly women’s beauty, bothers me. I, like all people (not just women!) want to be considered “attractive, desirable, beautiful, pretty”. I know that a lot of people feel awful about the way they look. The media and dominant culture tells us that “thin is in” and that a woman’s worth is no more than the sum of her objectified parts. Every part of a woman has been targeted by marketers as being “fixable” – lips, breasts, stretch marks, skin, hair, eyes, nails…everything.

I was shocked when I recently saw an ad on t.v with Brooke Shields promoting a new eyelash growth drug recently approved by the FDA. Apparently this drug (made by the makers of Botox) can help people (read: the ad was clearly targeted at women) who have hypotrichosis, a condition in which no hair grows on the eyelid. Another possible market for this new drug is people who have undergone chemotherapy and have not had their eyelashes go back.

And while those two reason might be good and well, I couldn’t help but think, having short eyelashes myself, that this drug was just another giant reminder about the objectification and microscopic criticism that women face every day. As if cankles month wasn’t bad enough, now we’re being told that our eyelashes need even MORE attention than the  hundreds of dollars of eye makeup products that many women purchase to make their eyes look “sexier”.

Sigh. Imagine if rather than thinking about ways to use drugs to grow eyelashes that only rich women will be able to afford, the brilliant scientists channeled more energy in finding cures for cancer or HIV/AIDS.

In order to resist  the forces of culture a lot of well meaning people have begun a “beauty” movement. Operation Beautiful is a blog (and soon to be a book) that encourages people to post random post-it notes with positive comments on them in places that people might need a little encouragement to feel good about themselves (i.e. on diet shakes, change rooms, at the gym, on diet pills).

At first I thought this was a great idea. Yes, there is a WHOLE lot more to beauty than what traditional media presents to us. Beauty can look like a 6 billion different people. I wholeheartedly agree that it is a good idea to stretch the definition of beauty and challenge traditional norms.

However, the more I think about it, the more I feel like we’re cheapening the worth of people (and in particular, women- to whom this campaign is targeted).

Like I said above, I want to feel beautiful (and I bet you do too) but I wonder, perhaps we place too much emphasis on the quality of beauty (or by using random,vague, generic notes to tell women that they’re beautiful) we’re in fact reinforcing the idea that to be worthy, women need to be beautiful. I don’t want to be a hater- I think that OB has been a true encouragement for some women and girls- but I just want to explore potential negative aspects of campaigns like this.

I wonder what it would do for our self-esteem if we started praising women for their courage, for their sense of humour, their kind heart, their adventurous life, their intelligence and wit. We risk envisioning women as one-dimensional if we only focus on beauty.

If we are going to head down the “beauty road” be need to operationalize and expand the definition of beauty.  The creator  of Operation Beautiful happens to be a straight, caucasian, thin (and in my opinion “traditionally” attractive) young woman. If we want to change women’s perceptions of themselves and to ensure that each woman knows that she is immeasurably valuable and worthy, we need to start giving the definition of beauty some depth and nuance, rather than generically labeling all women as “beautiful” (without defining what that is). We need to say to each other

fat is beautiful

racialized women are beautiful

disAbled women are beautiful

the LGBTQ community is beautiful

mental health survivors are beautiful

and so on…

I saw a blog today that I deepened my understanding of beauty. I think you should check it out; it’s called the Belly Project.

To sum up, I’ve really suggested two main ideas. If we want to tell each other that we’re all beautiful, we need to expand our notion of beauty and make sure that we’re not just watering down the mainstream “thin ideal” or renaming it (saying it’s about health, fitness, life balance).

Perhaps more importantly, we need to recognize that women are so much more than their physical skin. Seeing women as only flesh makes it a lot easier to objectify the body, dehumanizing the spirit and soul of personhood. Objectification, we know, can lead to violence, as it makes women just parts…not people. It’s a lot easier to dehumanize or hurt legs, breasts and vaginas than it is a woman or a human.

I think a lot of people say that they “care about the poor” – but not very many people actually know any poor people. And so it goes with true beauty. Yes, I might come across a post-it note that says “you’re beautiful” – but unless the writer of the note really knows me, sees me, and sees both the inner and the outer beauty, the message is cheapened.

Let’s commit to remind one another of our kindness, our creativity, passion, joy, perseverance, faith, intelligence, potential, goodness, wit, peacefulness, diligence and steadfastness…true beauty is borne of these things.

lost

no, not the t.v show (although i am a big fan!)

but lost.

you know, in general.

Lately, it seems like everyone I talk to is experiencing some sort of “lost-ness”

One friend described it to me like this ” it’s like a million doors are in front of me, but none of them are open”

Doesn’t that just say it so perfectly.

I’ve been thinking a lot about being lost and found lately too. I’ve written about patience and being in suspense recently. I’ve been thinking about the world outside and the world inside me.

Today I had a small revelation that really, you never know. Each day when you wake up is a brand new opportunity for things to go incredibly-wonderful-amazing or painfully, agonizingly awful. You just never know.

Matt told me over dinner that he thinks the “lost” feeling is generational: the result of being raised to think that you’ll have numerous careers, thus never fulling committing to anything. I’m not so sure I agree. I imagine our  “lost-ness” has more to do with a lost of identity– a removal from the very things that once made us us.

Growing our own food, touching the earth, soil-covered hands, reckless abandon, the feeling of not being tied to anything, silence, nature, simply being with…our creator, each other, ourselves.

I wonder how much of our current anxiety, our need to achieve, progress, get better, make more, have more, do more, be more is tied to our capitalist, patriarchal, consumerist society. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think working for corporation ‘x”making product “y” (which most likely involve some sort of environmental degradation and precarious labour in the majority world) is going to make us feel anything but a hamster on a wheel.

you know?

For me, finding my way is about returning to who I am–and remembering what I am; its reaffirming our worth as people..not for any particular reason, but simply because each human being had inalienable worth. We might forget this simple truth, and while we might feel lost…it’s impossible to lose our worth.

[photo]

Festivus for the rest of us- POLL…PARTICIPATE

I am typically not that crazy about Christmas…I generally hate listening to Christmas carols even 1 day before December 1st, but for some reason this year I am excited for all that Christmas brings with it…the baking, the family stuff (maybe not alllllllll of the family events), the rosy cheeks, hot chocolate, decorations and general merriment.

I struggle with the capitalist underpinnings of the holiday and have spent a lot of time stressed out thinking about how to make Christmas everything it’s supposed to be.

In my opinion it’s pretty easy to come up with a list of things that Christmas in NOT meant to be:

– a time to go to the mall

– a time to go into debt

– a time to buy more junk

– a time to experience stress, chaos and last minute gift buying

– a time to further separate the rich and the poor

In light of these things, I have tried really hard to make Christmas about love, grace, giving and receiving and about creativity.

I don’t NEED ANY MORE STUFF. Last year I told my mom that I under NO CIRCUMSTANCES wanted her to buy me any gifts.

Do you know what happened… (of course not, you weren’t there…so I will tell you).

She CRIED. Not because she was soo happy that her anti-consumerism-when-it-suits-me daughter finally got it but rather, because I was robbing her of the JOY of blessing me.

It’s complicated, eh?

So, this year there will be more wading through family traditions and continuing some great ones (matt and i always make each other gifts– matt’s gifts to me  turn out magical, my homemade gifts either a. FAIL or b. are completed by grandma).

One thing I know for sure, is that myself, my friends and my family aren’t the ones who are in need this Christmas…ironically, we will all (I’m sure) recieve a lot of material gifts despite the fact that we already have too much stuff.

Last lent a few of us participated in Water Challenge and it was hard and good and such a learning experience (don’t worry, this year I will be drinking coffee EVERY DAY during lent). What made water challenge SO MUCH better was that I didn’t do it alone. People joined me…and it was such a privilege to be able to participate in a challenge like that with people I love and respect.

So, for Christmas this year I thought a few people might be interested in joining together to give to those in need this Christmas. I made a quick poll but would LOVE LOVE to hear other suggestions. Let’s not make this Christmas about us- let’s be really generous. I love Rob Bell’s saying “when I honour the image of God in others, I protect the image of God in myself.” Let’s give because it’s right and just and in doing so, I think we’ll be given more than we give…if you know what I mean.

So– FILL OUT THE POLL.

Please.

Women have not achieved equality

BBC recently reported a story about 5 women in a remote village in India who were branded as “witches” and as a result, they were dragged into the street, beaten and forced to eat feces in front of a jeering crowd. The five women are said to be Muslim widows and were labelled “witches” by female neighbours who claim to have a gift from the Holy Spirit to detect those practicing witchcraft. I find this bastardization of the holy spirit appaling and sickening.

Hundreds of villagers watched while the women were dragged in the streets, striped and beaten…but no one stepped in to save them. According to BBC, hundreds of people (mostly women) have been killed after being accused of witchcraft by their neighbours.

What a graphic, inhumane example of misogyny …and how tragic is it that no one stepped in to help these women.

One time…

Did I ever tell you about the time that Matt put liquid dish soap in the dishwasher…on our honeymoon…TWICE?

At first, I was all like…”we should call the maintenance people…that’s what their job is…” and matt was all “er..no, no ..I can fix it..”
He failed to tell me that he had squirted dish soap in the dishwasher to give it an extra “boost”.

He sopped and mopped for a good 45 minutes. I read People. No shame, it was our honeymoon.

THEN a few days later…he did it again.

ya, I know. again.

He claimed that he used waaaaayy less dish soap this time. Needless to say, he added another hour to his total mopping time.

In spite this, I love him….really, because of things like this, I love him.

in suspense and incomplete

I’ve been reading the poem that I posted last a number of times over the last few days. I find myself reading it again and again because I know there is a small piece of truth just waiting to be seen and understood. Ironically, the other reason that I’m reading the poem about patience again and again is because I have a tendency to skim-to read half-heartedly, without giving my full attention to the words dancing across my screen.

Isn’t that just how life goes? Impatiently reading the poem on patience. How perfectly human and silly.

I read the poem again tonight and one line in particular stood out, “Give our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.”

I love that– and I need to hear that, apparently again and again…

…accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.

That’s such a perfect way to describe where I’m at–literally suspended between a world of possibilities. And the incredible thing is that I’m ok. I know that everything will ultimately unfold in some beautiful, shocking and generally unexpected way. In the meantime I learn to accept the in-between-ness…the incomplete-ness.

I wrote a little bit about this before, right after my 25th birthday–believing, seeing, doing and becoming…it’s all a process-despite that fact that I think we already “are”  a number of things i.e. loved by god fully, holy, redeemed, creative, with abilities to heal, comfort and create. But we’re also becoming things, in a career sense, in our relationships, in our areas of expertise or our character qualities…

my hope is that i (we) will learn to appreciate the suspense, the unknowing, the time “before” –despite the fact that the “before what” is unknown…that we’ll pray or hope earnestly for patience and wisdom and eyes and hearts that are wide open to the now, the here, to the incomplete.

forming within you

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability—and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually–let them grow,
Let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on, as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.

–Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

a few favourites

I haven’t really talked too much about our wedding on my blog. I think it’s because it was such a special, holy day for us- and plus, it’s really hard to give so much emotion, love and meaning words…you know?

But I recently got all of our photos back from our ahh-mazing photographer–Krista Jefferson of edison photography. She’s the best and if you’re getting married you should hire her because she’s beyond talented and more importantly she’s lovely and fun and kind. We highly recommend her.

I wanted to post a few of the photos that I love, of people I love…and here they are!

i love her

and I thought ‘the great schlep was good….